What do you hold close? What do you hold dear? What serves you?

And what doesn’t?

And what are the hidden rules you have that might be stopping you from living your best, most authentic life?

Abraham Lincoln said,

‘Being aware of these rules is helping you make change from here on. If you’re confused at this point and feeling your life is a big pile of spaghetti and you’ll never get it sorted out well join the club. You’re human.’

Thanks Abe.

Time than to re-examine those values, the hidden rules you live your life by. After all, you’re not really a big pile of spaghetti are you?

Nope, “I am more, much more..!” Yell it out loud.

You are much, much, much more.

The amazing thing! You made it all up.

Yep, you.

Those rules that drive how you experience your values, you made them up!

I don’t know when. You may or may not but that doesn’t matter. You learned them from someone else or took a heap of stuff you saw, heard and experienced and decided those are your values. And you’ve been living by them, your ‘rules’.


I’m not suggesting for a second that your rules and values aren’t valid. You may not have known where they’d take you, but can you see the way those hidden rules you made up in the past may not serve you now or into the future?

Great news…you’re an adult and you have the choice of how you experience the world.

Make up some new rules if you need them. Tweak some you’re already using. Experience more of the emotions you want and less of those you don’t. How does it all sit with your moral compass? Is North TRUE NORTH…or a little askew? Are you able to hold fast to your beliefs and values?

I’ve learned that as long as I hold fast to my beliefs and values and follow my own moral compass, then the only expectations I need to live up to are my own,” Michelle Obama

Thanks Michelle.

So, whose expectations are you living up to?

Your rules, your beliefs, your moral compass, your values. Great stuff, they’re all yours. You hold them internally so YOU choose what emotional path to go down. You. Why don’t you choose to be, say, oooh, Happy 😊

Design your own rules so that happens.

But wait. What’s a value?

Here’s a definition I use in my coaching practice,

Values reveal what a persons priorities are, their ideals, where they spend their time and what they want to achieve.

Imagine that. Or try this.

Let’s determine what drives you, some of your top values. I’ll cheat and give you a handful. The rest is up to you.

My (me being, me) strongest value today is LOVE (but that might change and that’s ok).

Other examples of values that might resonate with you are HAPPINESS, FREEDOM, INTEGRITY, VITALITY, SELF GROWTH and CREATIVITY.

There’s heaps. Let’s see if we can discover some of yours…

I want you to tell me what you find truly important in life. Be elaborate, make it big picture stuff. Do you have a vision board? This can help.

Are you able to list the emotions that you are consistently are motivated by?

That bit was easy huh?

Now reduce your response to the previous questions to one or two word answers. These are your values!

You might choose to combine similar ones or eliminate those that are hanging out around the edges. You might end up with at least ten, maybe more. If so, you might like to prioritise your values, arrange them in order of importance to you. This might be a little more challenging. 

And if you’d like further help, let us know.

Good luck, 



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